I’ve now spent four months in the adoption pool. I was warned that this whole thing can take far longer than that, so patience is still being considered as a virtue at this time. But I can’t guarantee its longevity. Especially with spring a few months away, what with all of its pastel hues and fuzzy ducklings. To pass the time, I offer up Round 2 of the Adoption FAQ:
Q: Will the adoption be open or closed?
A: Closed adoptions, where there is no contact between the birth parents and the child, are increasingly rare. These days, most adoptions have some degree of openness, that can range anywhere from providing a letter and picture annually to semi-frequent visits. The amount of openness is one of the few areas of direct negotiation between birth parents and their adoptive counterparts. However, I’ve been advised that many birth parents, even those that start off requesting a great deal of openness, tend to fade into the background by their own volition over time.
Q: So your child will know that he/she is adopted?
A: Of course. Most likely, there will be no avoiding this little piece of personal knowledge as the odds do not suggest that my child will look anywhere near as Caucasian as my offspring should. So the jig might be up pretty quickly. Even so, my child will be told that he/she is adopted.
Q: Do you get to choose the name?
A: Sure do.
Q: So?
A: There will be no previews before the main feature.
Q: How much does an adoption cost?
A: It varies widely, depending on your agency and the laws in the state from which you are adopting (some states prohibit the adopting family from covering medical costs during pregnancy; for states that do, that cost typically conveys). Also, many agencies have a sliding scale for their base cost that correlates to the adopting family’s income. Let’s just leave it as “requires budgeting.”
Q: Will you be adopting an infant?
A: That’s the crying, pooping, burping, two-hours-of-sleeping plan.
Q: Are twins a possibility?
A: An unlikely one, but, yes. (And, no, you don’t have to pay double for twins.)
Q: Why not adopt from foster care?
A: In the adoption realm, getting a child from foster care is actually the quickest way to achieving parenthood. The number of children in foster care is higher than any number a reasonable person would want to guess. But there very few infants in the foster care system and that is the aim for this adoption. (Please reference back to my earlier post about this all being quite selfish.)
Q: Why not do an international adoption?
A: International adoptions bring to the table a whole array of other factors that I’m not even aware of. Some are things you would expect (travel), others depend on the country involved (paying off the right bureaucrat at the right time). I’m not trying to make this more complicated than it already is.
Q: Will you adopt again?
A: It’s certainly a possibility and, who knows, maybe that child will come from foster care or overseas.
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